The Watchers in The House
Have you noticed that the older the kids get the less you can fake the funk?
You can hide your inconsistencies your not sureness your relationships with your own self and others when they are babies but as they grow they learn the truth about who and what we are… human and #Flawed
My kids are old enough to know where I’m not solid and just what I’m really about. They know the face I show in public and the face I show at home and how they differ or are the same.
Do I talk the talk but not walk the walk? I remember when I realized that my Mom was unstable. She seemed so sure of herself and loomed larger than life for so long and then one day she took to her bed and ceased to be what I thought she was. I was 8 yrs old and I realized she was delicate and volatile smart and unpredictable all at the same time and I was afraid.
Afraid of what I now knew. As I grew up I learned how truly unpredictable and crazy adults could be and I vowed to be different.
As my children grow my deepest desire is for them to know me well and for them to know me to be stable and consistent loving but firm.
I strive to do the spiritual work that keeps my inconsistencies to a minimum. We all are growing (hopefully) until we pass into the next life. So change will be a constant but we can make that growth feel like expansion and not turmoil by doing the work.
The work of writing and reading prayer meditation and listening and being willing to be open and grow.
We won’t be perfect and thankfully it’s not a job requirement but we will be safe and loving and stable and I believe that’s what they need most!